I Kissed Dieting Goodbye...

And it is SO scary!

In the past, when I found myself in the place I am now- uncomfortable in my clothes and ashamed of the extra weight, my "go to" plan was the next diet. I was desperate to change NOW!!

But, it became harder and harder to start again. And it became harder and harder to keep it off.

As I continue in this quest for lasting change, I'm learning that all of the dieting in my past has taken a toll on my health and metabolism. I'm learning that only 2% of people who lose weight actually keep it off. If I want to be a part of the "2% Club", I'm going to have to stop dieting and start making lasting changes in my lifestyle, my behavior, and my thinking. Only then will I succeed in this journey and stop gaining it all back again.

In the past, I laughed at the claim that if I'd only make a few lifestyle changes, I could stop dieting. It always seemed like an excuse to be lazy and that the only real way to lose the weight once it was there was to diet. I didn't have the patience to lose it slowly. I was too embarrassed and felt like my life would end if I didn't get the fat off now!

The cost of that mentality was a screwed up metabolism and yet more failure.

Here I am again. But I'm not going on a diet.

I lost a 1/2 pound last week. That isn't much, but I also didn't diet last week. I rode my bike instead of driving my car when I could. I ate fruit and vegetables. I tried to cut back on sugar and white flour, and I drank a lot of water. I'm trying so hard to be patient, to be the tortoise instead of the hare so I can win the race. It is hard. I still feel desperate for change. I still wish it could be fast, but I want to keep it off even more.

These are the books I'm currently reading. I thought I knew everything there was to know about losing weight. These books are showing me I have much to learn about living a healthy life:

Question: Do you think it is possible to lose weight without dieting?

Ten Pound Tuesday: It Will Happen

Before Thanksgiving, huh?

Has anyone else come to the realization that all ten pounds might not be off before Thanksgiving?

I had the greatest of intentions- Lose 10 pounds before Thanksgiving. Instead, I gained a few and then maintained. And now it is only two weeks and a few days before Thanksgiving. It would take a serious grapefruit diet or fast to get ten pounds off by then, and that would be contrary to my "lasting change" goal.

I still want to encourage those of you who worked hard to get there by Thanksgiving. Here's me cheering you on, "YOU CAN DO IT!!!!" I'm so impressed by your ability to stick with it and stay focused. You're awesome.

And for those of us who aren't going to make it by Thanksgiving, I want to cheer us on, "WE CAN DO IT!!!!" Just not by Thanksgiving, but I'm determined. If I don't QUIT, it will happen. So my Ten Pound Tuesday is going to keep going until I get there. I hope some of you faithful readers will keep at it with me until we reach the finish line.

All of the encouragement and cheering me on last week helped me more than you can know. I'm working on getting my head back where it needs to be.

Here's some quotes from The Dieter's Prayer Book that have been an encouragement this week:

The most impacting chapter was number 7: "The Trouble with Denial."

The author quotes Dr. Phil in this chapter, "You cannot afford the luxury of defensiveness, and you cannot afford the luxury of lies and denial. Denial after all, is what kills dreams. It kills hope. It kills what might have a real chance to overcome a problem had the solution just been pursued in time."

I had to face again that I am my worst enemy. Not in a beating myself up kind of way, but I had to ask myself, "How am I getting in the way?" It's funny. Every time I want something or ask for something from God, His answer seems to be that I need change at the heart level first.

Ask God if there is any corner of your heart that you keep in the shadows of denial.

Is denial denying me success and health? (pg. 24)

I've just been trying to honestly look at what I do and think and feel that keeps me from crossing that finish line that I've been working so hard to cross. What barriers have I put up myself.

Chapter 10 was awesome, too: More Than Conquerors

Do you feel like a conqueror today? You are! Even if you feel defeated and victory seems far away. If there's one truth you cling to in the coming months, let it be this: Nothing- no amount of fat or failure!- can separate you from God's love or rob you of the conquering power you inherited from Him. (pg. 30)

Remember- It Will Happen!

Here's to a successful, more than conquerors, not letting myself get in the way week! : )

Ten Pound Tuesday- Inspiration Just in Time

I'm going to give myself a week of being back in the land of the living before I do a progress report.

It's funny- most people stop eating when they are sick. As usual, I turn to food for comfort when I don't feel well. I did it again this time. I kept thinking, This might settle my stomach or This will give me energy or This will just feel good to eat! Then when it doesn't work, and I still feel yucky, I try something else. Dumb. : )

So, I need another do-over. : )

Thankfully, my new book, The Dieter's Prayer Book by Heather Harpham Kopp, arrived just in time for the inspiration I need. So far, I'm really enjoying it and grateful for the insight.

I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes and my thinking from the introduction with you:

Spiritual Transformation

Slowly I came to realize that I needed more than just information and determination to conquer my own weakness. I needed daily inspiration and help- and a power greater than my own inadequate will. (pg. 3)

If there is one thing I've learned over these past 13 months, it has been that I have met the enemy and it is me. Within myself I am not strong enough. I have an inadequate will and inadequate ability to deny my own cravings and weakness. Instead of needing another diet plan or another exercise routine, I needed to start at the heart level. At the spiritual level. I'm learning that everything stems from the condition of my heart. That's why I agree with this-

Ultimately, I believe the struggle to gain control of our eating habits and to accept our own body involves a spiritual transformation. (pg. 4)

If lasting change is my goal, I need to be aware of this and to remain aware of it because:

For those of us who live in a culture of plenty, convenience, and excess, eating can become a substitute for soul tending. (pg. 5)

AND

Because none of us can stop eating altogether, the struggle to master our eating habits is ongoing- and always at risk of being derailed. (pg. 5)

Boy, I've proven that this month. Even after all of my success. Even after climbing so far up my personal Mt. Everest, the danger of avalanche is always there. I need a strength greater than myself to make it.

Does God Care About Dieting?

I'm really learning that He cares the most about the condition of my heart. Dieting draws me to where my heart is the healthiest:

With every hunger pang that has little to do with our stomach, God is calling us homeward, reminding us that He alone satisfies...As we do this, the same empty longing that makes us want to overeat will, if we let it, become a spiritual opportunity. (pg. 6)

Perhaps we think that these issues are too superficial, too vanity driven to merit a consciously tended conversation with our Creator...When we call on God to help us with our eating, we are not trivializing God's role in our daily life, but enlarging it. (pg. 7)

I'll share more later this week. I'm thankful I have this book to help me get my head, heart, and mind right so I can succeed.

I had a prayer request: Will you pray that I will get my strength back? I'm still feeling yucky, but it has been two weeks and I just don't want to keep laying around being sick. I want to get back to this and other goals in my life. Thank you!

How can I pray for you?

Let's share in the comments how things are going- you can share your success so we can celebrate with you and cheer you on, or you can be honest about challenges so we can pray or maybe even offer some ideas for solutions.

Hope you are all well!

Too Many BLT's

I'm really excited about the progress I'm making. Another 10 pounds lost since May 30th for a total of 40 pounds! since September Yippee! This has been such a blessed journey this time around. I'm really thankful. I would like to lose 10 more before my baby's first birthday on August 14th.

I really miss running. I think I should be able to get back to running within the next week or two. I feel great after the minor surgery I had in May, but the doctor said to wait to run again. I'm not sure how I'll know I'm OK. I guess if nothing falls out while I'm running? Sorry if that is TMI. : )

The running I do should probably be called jogging since I'm not that fast. That time is so special to me. It is a time when nobody needs me. I can think and pray and daydream. Walking has been nice, too, but I need to start training for a 5 mile race I want to try in September.

I'm really pleased with my weight loss, but I've noticed that I've hit a plateau these last few weeks. I want to complain and say, "That's not fair! I'm eating so little, how can I not be losing weight?" Then I remember.

I remember all of the BLT's. No, not Bacon Lettuce and Tomato Sandwiches. I mean all the Bites, Tastes, and Licks that don't count, right?

It is so easy to pretend that the bite of my kids' mac and cheese is free of calories, or the chunk off their granola bar, etc.

Once the BLT habit begins, it is a hard one to break. That's my focus for this week: NO BLT'S! : )

I'll check in later to report how I'm doing resisting those pesky BLT's.

Learning More Lessons as I Keep Going

I've been so busy working out with my new P90X program, I haven't had time to blog about it. : )

This has been an interesting three weeks. The new program is a lot of fun and I can already feel my body changing shape. The problem is the scale isn't changing and that has been so discouraging for me.

I should be happy that my jeans are getting looser and looser, and that I've had some compliments, but insecurity and frustration moved in instead. My husband had a promotion ceremony at work this week, and they took pictures of our family. I was so disappointed when I saw the pictures. I felt pretty and skinny in my new dress. Then I saw the pictures and saw I still have a long way to go. The picture was so different than the picture in my head. It was discouraging.

It has been a time of more lessons to learn. I keep repeating this over and over again, but I want this to be long-term change, so I have to be aware of the ah-ha moments along the way.

Here's some:

1. Working out is not an excuse to overeat. I still need to be disciplined, especially during the trying to lose weight phase. I'm really good at maintaining because I instinctively make up for the calorie deficit.

2. This is a process and WILL TAKE TIME! I want to be fit and perfect NOW!!!! If it is going to be lasting, it won't happen overnight. This blog post by Tracie Miles was so helpful to me this week. There will continue to be victories and setbacks. I'm not going to be "magically" cured from my weight battle. It will be a life long effort, and I need to accept that, to persevere and keep moving forward.

3. I need to be aware when I experience success. Whenever I start becoming successful, self-sabotage creeps in to undermine my efforts. I get overconfident.

4. I need to enjoy the progress I've made and quit always living for a future me. My sense of worth and value can't be measured by my perception of my outward beauty. I want so much to be beautiful, but real beauty will come when Jesus shines out of me. There's is nothing wrong with trying to lose weight and to take care of this body, but my worth is not equal to my appearance or the number on the scale.

I'm getting excited for my 5K race on Saturday. I've been doing the Couch to 5K plan and can now run for 30 minutes without stopping. It is my favorite form of exercise right now. It feels so good to have come so far- going from running for 60 seconds to running 30 minutes.

I'm nursing a really sore back, so I'm praying it will heal before Saturday morning. I'll let you know how the race goes. Thanks to all of you who are cheering me on. It means so much to me.

Lessons Learned and Something New I'm Trying

You know, I've found it is fun to update this blog when I'm doing really well. As you can see I haven't updated in awhile, so you can probably guess how I've been doing with weight loss goals lately. Ha Ha. : )

It hasn't been stellar. BUT it has been good for me.

From the beginning of this journey, my biggest goal has been to make lasting change. I've learned a lot about myself over the past few weeks that I think were "Ah Ha" moments that will help me a lot over the long term.

First of all, I learned that success can be dangerous for me. I was so excited to lose that first 31 pounds and to be able to mark off my first goal, but then I got lazy. It wasn't on purpose, but the month of April has been a maintenance month instead of a losing month. As I continue to succeed and to reach goals, I need to be on guard for this tendency.

The other thing I've discovered is the food issue is way harder for me than making myself exercise. The more I'm getting into shape, the easier it is to push myself to workout. I really want to do it now. Not always, but in general I'm excited to get out for my runs. But limiting my eating is much harder. I was talking to my mom about it and she said, "Yeah, it is so much easier to make myself do something (exercise) than it is to keep myself from doing something (overeating)."

Self-discipline just isn't easy and denying appetite is really hard. Eating right is the key to my success here, though. The exercise is going great right now, but I still haven't lost any weight. Exercise alone just isn't enough.

OK, third thing I've figured out. Weight loss is not permanent. In the past, I always thought if I could just get to my goal everything will be wonderful, and I will be skinny for the rest of my life. The problem is it is so easy to regain the weight. I don't want to be fearful of this- that will just lead to gaining it faster, but I do want to be prepared to live a maintenance lifestyle.

Over Easter, I noticed I was gaining weight back. This scared me, so I re-focused and lost the weight I gained over again. When I do reach my ultimate goal and am ready for maintenance, I'm going to keep going like I'm going, with treats occasionally, enjoying life, but I have to be watchful (not obsessive) and say I will never gain back more than 3 pounds before I work to take it off again. Three pounds will be easier to take off and less discouraging than being surprised when I'm all of a sudden 20 pounds heavier again.

So, I haven't lost any weight in April yet. I haven't gained any either. I have gained some valuable insight so that is a good thing. And I think the rest has been good for me, too.

Also, I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE! After a year of wanting to do it, I finally gave into the infomercial and ordered the P90X program from beachbody.com

I am so impatient for it to get here. It promises to get me "ripped in 90 days." We'll see!

Focusing On the Prize

It feels good to be back at it. Dieting is painful and hard, but doing it feels good, too. It's like I've woken up and feel less dull. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I guess when you are getting exercise and not overeating it does wake you up. I'm excited about getting to my goal and enjoying spring and summer in shape.

That reminds me of a quote I heard on the Dave Ramsey radio show last night:

Failures want pleasing methods, but successes want pleasing results

He meant it to apply to financial discipline, but I think it fits exactly with my fitness goals. I keep wishing I could make this easy but easy does not produce the results I want.

I'm still trying to figure out the proper calorie amount for a nursing mom who wants to lose weight. When I'm not nursing, 1200 is right for me to lose about 1.5 pounds a week. The websites I've read say 1500 -1800 for a breastfeeding mom, but that seems high. Guess I just need to keep experimenting to find the right number. I feel like I'm losing weight but our scale is broken so I'm not sure yet. I'll do a progress report on here as soon as I replace it.

So today I am going to focus on the results so I can remember why I'm telling myself no to the over indulgences. There is an old Weight Watchers saying that fits, too:

Nothing Tastes as Good as Thin Feels

A Telling Photo and Plans for Tomorrow's Feast

Wow. I am absolutely amazed at how quickly 6 weeks went. When we started this book club on October 20th, 6 weeks felt like such a long time. It was a blink, and I still have so much to learn. I will definitely be re-reading the book.

I did really well with my weight-loss goals during the first 4 weeks, but Week 5 was a stumbling block for me. I just stopped making wise choices. I'm trying to get back on track before the holiday season gets going full swing.

Take a look at this photo. I laughed so hard when I walked down the stairs and saw this on my coffee table. There is just something very telling about it all. : )

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm trying to make some plans ahead of time. Yesterday's reading, "Avoiding Pitfalls" was a good one to read before Thanksgiving. I've been thinking about this quote:

"Part of our journey toward eating sanely is learning to think through our weaknesses and temptations ahead of time, rather than being caught off guard by them. " (pg. 163)

On the Today Show this week they said that the typical American Thanksgiving dinner comes in at over 4,000 calories. OUCH!!!!

Here's my plans for tomorrow:

1. Exercise in the morning.

2. Drink water all day

3. Only eat what I really like. Sometimes on the holidays I eat everything because it is there. I plan to be more selective and decide what is actually worth the extra calories to me.

4. Plate around- This is a trick I learned from Weight Watchers awhile ago. When you fill your plate, there should be space on the plate between every item, nothing touching.

5. This is the first year I will not be hosting Thanksgiving myself, so it will be nice not to have a bunch of fattening food leftover. I plan to enjoy the meal and come home without any leftovers.

Here are some other quotes that were good for me from this week's reading:

"A short-term euphoria is not worth the long-term anguish which inevitably follows loss of control." (pg. 165- From "Food For Thought")

This one was especially meaningful to me because I have felt like a failure lately:

If you are feeling weak as you consider the temptations at hand, praise God! Remember God loves to be strong in weak people! (pg. 164)

Well He must be having fun with me lately! : )

I actually gained 1/2 a pound when I weighed in on Monday. I was relieved because I expected it to be worse. I'm praying that I'll start going down the scale instead of up it beginning next Monday. I really want this to be the first holiday I lose weight instead of gain it. I don't want to be another one of the statistics.

Happy Thanksgiving! : )