My Plan

I am so excited about all of you who are joining me for this challenge! I can't believe what a difference it has made for me already. Yesterday and today have been tough, but knowing you were all in this with me gave me an accountability factor that kept me on track. I'm not going to weigh in until next Tuesday morning, but I'm hoping I'm already on the way to our goal!

I wanted to get out "on paper," I mean cyberspace, exactly what my plan is for losing this weight. : )

Eating:

In the past, when it was time to lose weight, I would either diet and not have enough energy to exercise, or I'd workout hard and get so hungry, I'd blow my diet. This time I'm realizing that in order to be successful, I have to get that part balanced.

I've found that I lose weight at about 1200 calories. That is really low for a lot of people, but that seems like it is the magic number for me. I found, though, that not all calories are created equal. I have to make every one of those quality calories, or I get grumpy, always feel hungry, crash at about 3 or 4 o'clock, and often end up eating more than I should to make myself feel better.

So these are the rules I'm living by for food:

1. Produce and Protein at EVERY Meal/Snack I shoot for 3 fruits and about 4-5 servings of veggies a day. I add hardboiled eggs a lot or use milk or Whey powder for extra protein to breakfast, lunch, and afternoon snack to help me get through my afternoon slump. I really think this is the "secret" to my success so far.

2. Spreading my calories out between 5-6 times a day to keep my blood sugar steady and me feeling satisfied.

3. Correct portions (measuring when I need to) *This is so eye opening for me when I start seeing what portions are supposed to be!

4. Trying to get at least 8 glasses of water in. This is always a tough for me because I'm such a coffee drinker but always makes a big difference in how I do.

5. Adding fiber or protein powder if I need to a meal to keep me satisfied (Generic Benefiber or Whey Powder)

Exercise:

I was doing so great with exercise until I had surgery in May and then hurt my back in August. I'm healed now from both, but need to be careful about my back, so I've got to ease into exercise again. For this week, my plan is to get at least 4-5 days of activity in, even if they are small. For example, Tuesday, I got up before the kids and rode my exercise bike, and then this morning was "Walk to School Day" for my girls, so I walked with them to school. Both weren't very intense, but I want to be careful to build up and not go gung ho like I always do and end up injured or eating too much. I'm looking for ways to play with my kids and to get outside in the Fall weather.

Eventually, I want to start doing the Couch to 5K plan again and work back up to P90X. I recommend the Couch to 5K plan if you are hoping to get into running. It was so great for me last Spring. It started out so easy and then I was completely ready for the race I ran. I can't wait to get that going again.

Inspiration:

I ordered a used copy on Amazon.com of Heather Kopp's book The Dieter's Prayer Book: Spiritual Power and Daily Encouragement. I've never read it, but am looking forward to getting that started, too. Let me know if any of you get it, too.

OK- That's my plan in a nutshell. : )

How have the first few days gone for all of you?
Anyone else want to join us?
Have you thought about what your plan is going to be?

I'm praying for all of us!

Surrender- Day One

Faithfully Fit Book Club

Kick-Off Day

When I picked October 20th as the start date for this book club, it seemed so far away. It came quickly, and I'm excited!

I was really nervous last night before I went to bed. Thinking about the hard work ahead was much harder than actually beginning this morning. I've been doing the supportive eating today and paying attention to serving sizes. I've also been drinking water and writing down what I'm eating and drinking in a food journal. Eating this way feels good. I usually struggle to get fruit and vegetables into my diet, but because the fibrous carb is scheduled into my eating, I've already had a can of V8 juice, eaten carrots from our garden, had fresh salsa with pita chips, and I'm munching on an apple right now. That's a big nutritional improvement for me and it is still early afternoon.

But starting a diet change is nothing new to me. I'm much more excited about what I read today in the book. For those of you still waiting for your books to come in the mail, this week's devotions are all based on the theme of surrender.

It is funny how God often talks to me in themes. Once He picks a theme He wants to get my attention about, it is everywhere. The topic of surrender has come up in so many areas of my life, not just this weight loss journey. I wrote on my main blog last night about how I had to surrender our adoption process to Him and trust Him to do what seems impossible. Keeping weight off long term seems impossible to me, too.

Here's some things from the reading that stood out to me:

"Surrender is not a one-time thing; it is an ongoing process." (pg. 27)

This was a good reminder for me. I think God allows us to struggle through things sometimes so we will keep coming to Him. We need that relationship with Him and so in my life one of the things that keeps me praying and seeking Him is this issue with my weight.

"I'm only giving back to you the works of your own hand. You designed me and you made me to use in your own way." (pg. 28- from Claire's song, "White Flag")

He designed this body so it makes sense that I should be asking Him how to take care of it and to ask for the help to do it His way.

The affirmation: "Jesus is the source of my health and my healing." (pg. 30)

Lasting change will only come from allowing Jesus to change me and to not be turning to worldly wisdom for the help I need.

_______________________________________

1. Would you introduce yourself to me if you are reading along with me? It is totally fine if you want to remain anonymous when you comment. I'd just like to hear from you so I can pray for you and we can get to know each other and cheer each other on. Tell us a little about yourself and why you want to read this book.

2. In the book today it said:

"If you have decided to use the buddy system as you go through the next six weeks, try to get together today....During your time together, express hopes, fears, expectations. Talk about your goals and plans."

What about you? hopes...fears...expectations...goals...plans?

3. Any quotes from the book that stood out to you?

God bless your efforts today. Thanks for supporting me!

: )

Tomorrow We Begin! : )

Tomorrow will be the beginning of the Faithfully Fit book club. I'm so excited about those of you who have told me you will be reading along with me, and I'm hoping more will join us as we go along. Lurkers are welcome! : ) You can jump into the discussion any time.

I had some interesting emotions come up today as I thought about getting started. Panic was the first one. Some of these thoughts were revealing about my relationship with food and diets:

What have I done?
Why did I tell people what I'm doing?
What if I can't lose any weight?
I should eat today because tomorrow the pain begins. : )
Could this possibly really work?
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Amid the panic was some excitement, too. I keep remembering last spring ('07) when I was working out with my trainer. I have never, ever felt that kind of energy in my life. Not even when I was a little girl. I've always been a low energy kind of person, but during that very short season I felt alive and full of energy.

One memory stands out so clearly to me. We were at our home group Bible Study having a BBQ and hanging out in the backyard. All of the kids were running around playing while the adults sat in deck chairs, talking, and watching the kids play. After awhile I couldn't stand to sit still, I had to go play with the kids. I had so much fun playing. I could run up their steep hill without even thinking about it. I felt like a kid again and I felt sorry for the grown-ups stuck in their chairs. The following spring ('08) I was pregnant and back in the chairs with the grown ups.

I was fantasizing today about that energy. What could taste as good as that freedom felt? I want to grab on to that feeling for motivation. But again, I know my inner resolve will only go so far and this time I do not have a coach nor a gym membership. I also do not have two hours to spend in the gym every day.

I'm working through the inventory at the back of the book, but I thought tonight I'd close this post with a prayer for the weeks ahead.

Dear Father,

I know that I need to lose weight, but I'm scared of failing again. I've done this over and over again, and I'm weary of it, Lord. Please forgive me for my past failures. Please help me to forgive myself. I feel so ashamed when I look back at the yo-yo dieting and my many, many attempts to be "skinny." Sometimes life threw me curve balls and circumstances made it so hard to succeed, but more often it was just self-sabotage keeping me from my goals. My way has never worked. My inner resolve and willpower have never been strong enough. Please be my strength. I am weak. If this weight battle is dependent upon my inner resolve it is already a lost battle. Help me to do it your way this time, not my way.

Search my heart and shine light where change is needed. I'm scared of starting tomorrow. I don't want to do the hard work that is ahead. Please make me ready to follow your lead. Show me what you want me to learn and give me the strength to do what you say to do. I want to be healthy in every way, most importantly spiritually.

I pray against discouragement. Help me to be good to myself and not beat up on myself anymore.

Please bless my efforts and the efforts of all of the people who are participating in this book club. We all have different reasons for wanting to read the book and we all have different past experiences, but I think we all are seeking your will in this area of our lives, and are in need of healing. I pray these next six weeks will be enlightening, productive, successful, and fun. Show us how to encourage and bless each other.

Most importantly, be glorified in us through this journey.

I love you!

In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen

Your Turn:
1. Anyone want to share how you are feeling about starting tomorrow? Excited? Nervous?
2. Has anyone done the inventory and had any revelations yet?
3. No pressure to do this, but feel free to write your own prayer for yourself and the rest of us in the comments section and we'll pray with you.

See you tomorrow for Day One!

What To Do About Diet

One of the nice things about this book is that it can be used with any diet and exercise program. I'm not sure what I am going to do about a diet plan. It may evolve as we go. Part of my motivation for doing this book is to break away from my typical diet yo-yo approach so I think it would be counter productive to choose a diet. Instead I am going to work on these things:

- Eat less/Move more: This is easy to say, but I want to find some ways to measure this and hold myself accountable.

- Stay sugar free: For me sugar is the enemy. I want to stay sugar-free for the duration of these 42 days. Because of my baby's thrush, I have been sugar free for the last 2 weeks. I have felt so free from cravings and so much more in control of my appetite. Then yesterday, I baked some organic chocolate chip cookies from a mix that was sweetened with cane juice. I have been craving sugar all day and have eaten so many of the cookies. I was fooled into reintroducing sugar into my system...I now believe cane juice is just another word for sugar- (sugar cane juice maybe?). It really showed me how much sugar affects my appetite and how much I like being free of it.

- Supportive Eating: This is something I learned last spring when I worked with a personal trainer. He taught me to eat in a way that kept my blood sugar level and my metabolism working all day. I was able to eat a lot fewer calories and stay more satisfied.

Here's how it works:
Eat every three to four hours hungry or not. At each meal eat a lean protein, a fibrous carb, and a complex carb. A fibrous carb is a vegetable or a fruit. So an example meal might be chicken with broccoli and a slice of whole wheat bread. It really was amazing how satisfied and level I felt eating that way.

I usually have crashes at different times of day where I'm starving. This usually happens in the late afternoon when it's time for me to start cooking dinner. When I was doing the supportive eating I didn't feel those crashes. I usually ended up eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner and added a morning and afternoon snack.

-Lots of water: I know from past experience that this also helps with appetite control.

That's my plan so far. I'd love to hear what you have planned.

Book Club Preparation- Gather What You Need Pg. 20

(In preparation for the start of Faithfully Fit book club on Monday, I am working through the "How to Use This Book" section on pages 19-23. )

Today I'm focusing on gathering what I need.

My laptop sits on my counter in my kitchen, so I tend to like things to be virtual more than hard copies. It just keeps things more organized for me.

This is how I am going to set things up:

Bible:

I have my Bible, but I also really like using Bible Gateway online. It has many versions of the Bible and is super easy to use to look up Bible passages.

Notebook:

I thought about doing a hard copy for the notebook, but I spend so much time on my laptop, I decided to set up my notebook there. I made a WORD folder called "Faithfully Fit Notebook" and then I saved a WORD document for each of the sections. As we get going, I might decide to change to a notebook I can hold in my hands, but for now I think having it all on the laptop fits my lifestyle best.

(If you are still waiting for your book to come in the mail, here are the sections you will need for your notebook: scripture, goals, affirmations, journal, insights, and planning.)

Other thoughts...

This morning, I read this devotion on Proverbs 31 Ministries' website. It really made me think about my weight loss battle. I keep begging God to help me and make it all better, but I want it to be as effortless as possible. Don't make me uncomfortable, Lord! Anyway, it was food for thought.

I'm feeling nervous and excited about next week. : )

Preparing for Monday

The authors of Faithfully Fit recommend you begin preparing one week ahead of your start date. So this week I'm going to be working through the letters from the authors and the "How to Use This Book" section. Then I'll start reading the devotions and journaling about them this Monday, October 20th.

There is still time for you to buy the book online if you want to join us for the book club. I hope you will join us even if you don't buy the book. Feel free to read my journal entries and join in on the discussion. You can jump in anytime. The more the merrier!

Here's one of my favorite quotes from Claire's letter:

"Personally, I have found that anytime the buck stops with me and everything hinges on my inner resolve and fortitude, I am in big trouble. The harder I try to heal myself, the sicker I seem to get!" (pg. 12)

That's why I'm excited about doing this differently this time. All of my other attempts at fitness relied on my inner resolve and self-motivation/willpower. This time I'm leaning on God for the help and healing I need to make it last.

I thought this was interesting, too:

"By now all of us in this country are familiar enough with the various kinds of eating disorders to recognize that weight is not the only indicator of irrational eating." (pg. 12)

I never thought skinny people could have a problem with food. If they were thin, then they must have some gift for eating right and not being addicted to food. I think more of us have issues with food in this country than we even know.

OK- that's enough for now. I'll check back in with more throughout the week.

Anyone else have some favorite quotes or want to talk about what you are doing to prepare for next week?

I'm praying for us and excited about what we will learn.

Update on the Four Ws

Three of the four Ws are going pretty well.

Drinking my water is the easy part. There is something about breastfeeding that makes me feel like I'm dying of thirst.

The walking isn't happening yet. A cold bug has been moving through my house and it's my turn to get it. Even when I'm not sick, I haven't figured out yet how to fit exercise into my day.

I knew I wasn't ready to jump into a diet yet, so I decided to start making some observations about how I'm doing and what needs to change. This is what I've discovered so far:

- My portion sizes are way off
- I'm eating more calories than I thought. On Monday, I recorded what I ate on an Excel spreadsheet and tallied up the calories...OUCH. I was shocked at the results. The trip to McDonald's for dinner did not help matters.
- I'm completely addicted to sugar.
- I eat at night when I don't need to.

So as I've prayed for wisdom and willpower, I started looking at these observations. Obviously, if I'm going to lose weight, I've got to scale back my portions, eat less calories, and stop eating so much sugar. Ugh. How easy, right? Not! I felt so discouraged as once again I was reminded that I am so weak in the willpower department.

An interesting little twist happened this week, though. I had a blessing in disguise.

I'm nursing my baby, and I've been dealing with thrush (a yeast infection on my nipples and in his mouth). It has made nursing painful, and I've struggled to get rid of it. In my search for a cure, I've learned that the thrush has moved inside of my milk ducts and dietary changes would be necessary if I ever want to get rid of it. Guess what has to go? You guessed it- sugar. Dairy products, too.

Beginning Tuesday morning, I've been sugar free. Not from willpower, just from sheer necessity. I almost cried Monday night when I thought about giving up all milk and sugar. It felt too hard. But it has been so good for me. I think going cold turkey was the only way I would have been able to break this sugar addiction, and it took the thrush being more painful than the sugar withdrawals to get me to do it.

It has been interesting to see how I'm eating differently now that I can't have milk or sugar. I'm eating healthier because I have to. I actually ate fruit and veggies today. It's a miracle! : )

I know getting the sugar out of my system will help in the willpower department. Interesting answer to prayer!

Stats:
Goal: -50 lbs
8 pounds gone so far! : )
42 to go

Starting With the Four Ws

I'm only five weeks postpartum and very sleep deprived, so this journey will have a slow start. I'm in survival mode right now, so I can't dedicate the energy yet it will take to go full boar.

I think that is a good thing. It is giving me time to plan and think. How do I want to go about this this time around? What are my goals? What do I need to do differently to avoid the yo-yo dieting and feelings of failure that have come with my other attempts? I don't have the answers yet. I guess this stage of my climb up my Personal Mount Everest is setting up base camp.

I decided that for right now it is enough to concentrate on what I'm calling the "Four Ws":

• Water
• Walking
• Wisdom
• Willpower

I'm not ready to start a diet or make any huge lifestyle changes. I'm lucky to fit a shower in each day. There isn't any room for counting calories or Weight Watchers points. Getting in as much water as possible is my first step in the nutrition department.

For exercise I'm just focusing on getting myself moving again and getting outside. I've been pretty housebound so walks are so good for me. At week three after my baby was born, I was walking quite a bit. Something about the cumulative affect of a month of no sleep hit me at week four and into this week and the walking hasn't happened. It's a goal now to make walking a regular part of my routine.

The second two W's are my prayer focus. I need wisdom about how to do it differently and successfully this time around. I need insight into what went wrong each time before and for help in planning how I'll do it this time. I'm also asking for willpower because right now it is seriously lacking. I'm tired in so many ways. When the time is right to commit to doing this again, I'll need supernatural help.

What Does My Blog Title Mean?

Last January, I was given the gift of a personal trainer for Christmas. I was thrilled to see great results as I worked out with Matt. Between January and May, I lost 30 pounds, gained muscle, gained confidence, and had tons of energy for playing with my kids.

During that time, I started a blog called "Becky's Road to Fitness." It was supposed to be an inspiration to other people who were trying to get fit. I posted before and after pictures, went public with my success, and then started gaining back the weight.

Between May and November, I gained all 30 pounds back (+ a few extra I'm afraid) and then I found out I was pregnant. During pregnancy, I gained another 40 pounds. Ashamed of yet another failure in my quest for thinness, I deleted my blog and stopped going to the gym.

Weight issues have been a thorn in my side for as long as I can remember. I was never obese or overly fat, just "chubby" "going through a growth spurt" or "big boned." In second grade, I remember trying to suck in my tummy and by fifth grade I went on my first official diet. Even when I was thin, I didn't appreciate it because the number on the scale wasn't the right number. It has been a battle. A battle I want to win, but a battle that feels too hard to win.

When I was working with Matt, he used a metaphor for my journey. He encouraged me to conquer my own "personal Mount Everest." That concept resonated with me. That's exactly what this has been, this mountain I keep trying to climb. I've attempted it so many times I can't count them all. Yet somehow, I keep standing at the base of the mountain trying to drum up the stamina to try one more time.

I need lasting change, not another diet. I need lasting change, not another gym membership or workout video or piece of exercise equipment. I also need to learn how to avoid burnout and self-sabotage.
I want to stand at the summit of this mountain, shove my victory flag in the ground, and say "I did it!"

That's where this blog comes into the picture. It is going to be the journal of my journey to lasting change. The log book of my "climb to fitness." This post is entry number one in my climbing diary. I haven't decided if I'll even go public with it. I just need a place to process things.

Success for me won't be losing weight. That will be a part of it, but true success for me will be lasting change. It will be freedom from the yo-yo roller coaster ride, it will be freedom from the embarrassment I feel at being overweight, it will be spiritual and physical fitness, freedom from self-medicating with food. It will be being comfortable in my own skin whatever that means.

I know climbing this mountain is going to be a journey. I know many of the pitfalls that lie ahead, and I know I will have to do a lot of soul searching to discover why I have so often attempted this but never reached the summit.

Some of my posts will be humorous (especially when I explain some of the diets I've tried in the past) Some will be just a progress check. Others will be simply processing my thoughts and actions. I learn so much through journaling.

I'm excited to see what discoveries I'll make along the way.