I Kissed Dieting Goodbye...

And it is SO scary!

In the past, when I found myself in the place I am now- uncomfortable in my clothes and ashamed of the extra weight, my "go to" plan was the next diet. I was desperate to change NOW!!

But, it became harder and harder to start again. And it became harder and harder to keep it off.

As I continue in this quest for lasting change, I'm learning that all of the dieting in my past has taken a toll on my health and metabolism. I'm learning that only 2% of people who lose weight actually keep it off. If I want to be a part of the "2% Club", I'm going to have to stop dieting and start making lasting changes in my lifestyle, my behavior, and my thinking. Only then will I succeed in this journey and stop gaining it all back again.

In the past, I laughed at the claim that if I'd only make a few lifestyle changes, I could stop dieting. It always seemed like an excuse to be lazy and that the only real way to lose the weight once it was there was to diet. I didn't have the patience to lose it slowly. I was too embarrassed and felt like my life would end if I didn't get the fat off now!

The cost of that mentality was a screwed up metabolism and yet more failure.

Here I am again. But I'm not going on a diet.

I lost a 1/2 pound last week. That isn't much, but I also didn't diet last week. I rode my bike instead of driving my car when I could. I ate fruit and vegetables. I tried to cut back on sugar and white flour, and I drank a lot of water. I'm trying so hard to be patient, to be the tortoise instead of the hare so I can win the race. It is hard. I still feel desperate for change. I still wish it could be fast, but I want to keep it off even more.

These are the books I'm currently reading. I thought I knew everything there was to know about losing weight. These books are showing me I have much to learn about living a healthy life:

Question: Do you think it is possible to lose weight without dieting?

Learning More Lessons as I Keep Going

I've been so busy working out with my new P90X program, I haven't had time to blog about it. : )

This has been an interesting three weeks. The new program is a lot of fun and I can already feel my body changing shape. The problem is the scale isn't changing and that has been so discouraging for me.

I should be happy that my jeans are getting looser and looser, and that I've had some compliments, but insecurity and frustration moved in instead. My husband had a promotion ceremony at work this week, and they took pictures of our family. I was so disappointed when I saw the pictures. I felt pretty and skinny in my new dress. Then I saw the pictures and saw I still have a long way to go. The picture was so different than the picture in my head. It was discouraging.

It has been a time of more lessons to learn. I keep repeating this over and over again, but I want this to be long-term change, so I have to be aware of the ah-ha moments along the way.

Here's some:

1. Working out is not an excuse to overeat. I still need to be disciplined, especially during the trying to lose weight phase. I'm really good at maintaining because I instinctively make up for the calorie deficit.

2. This is a process and WILL TAKE TIME! I want to be fit and perfect NOW!!!! If it is going to be lasting, it won't happen overnight. This blog post by Tracie Miles was so helpful to me this week. There will continue to be victories and setbacks. I'm not going to be "magically" cured from my weight battle. It will be a life long effort, and I need to accept that, to persevere and keep moving forward.

3. I need to be aware when I experience success. Whenever I start becoming successful, self-sabotage creeps in to undermine my efforts. I get overconfident.

4. I need to enjoy the progress I've made and quit always living for a future me. My sense of worth and value can't be measured by my perception of my outward beauty. I want so much to be beautiful, but real beauty will come when Jesus shines out of me. There's is nothing wrong with trying to lose weight and to take care of this body, but my worth is not equal to my appearance or the number on the scale.

I'm getting excited for my 5K race on Saturday. I've been doing the Couch to 5K plan and can now run for 30 minutes without stopping. It is my favorite form of exercise right now. It feels so good to have come so far- going from running for 60 seconds to running 30 minutes.

I'm nursing a really sore back, so I'm praying it will heal before Saturday morning. I'll let you know how the race goes. Thanks to all of you who are cheering me on. It means so much to me.

God is Doing a Good Work

I had a rough week last week being sick yet again. This time it was a horrible sore throat and the only thing on my mind was crawling back into bed every chance I had.

I didn't fit in many blog posts, but I did do the reading. This book is so full of great wisdom. Some of the thoughts about patience have been sticking with me. Especially the idea of "Keeping Short Accounts" and the promise that because I have surrendered this to God, "the process is working. He is at work. If you are staying in his presence in prayer, then you are changing, whether you can see the changes right now or not." (pg. 116).

I really needed to be reminded that even in a week of being bedridden, God was doing work in me. The idea of progress vs. perfection is an important thing for me to get. I am one of those people who wants to get normal as fast as possible. I want to be "totally 'fixed,' 'healed,' 'skinny,' and 'perfect' right now." (pg. 117) My impatience and perfectionism will keep working against me.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes:

"I am learning to look at hunger as a good, positive feeling- a sensation tinged with the excitement and anticipation of all that God, our provider, has in store. He wants us to be hungry for his best. He wants us to live in patient, faithful anticipation, trusting him to fill our hungry lives with good things." (pg. 120)

"Perseverance is a key ingredient in success of every kind, and our challenge is no exception." (pg. 122)

I'm looking forward to this next week reading about making choices. I know what the right choice is usually. I need help knowing how to master my appetite so I actually make the right choices.

Here's How I'm Doing:
Weight lost this week: -1.o lbs.
Weight lost since beginning of book club: -5.0 lbs.
My goal is to lose 50 lbs by March 31, 2009
I've lost this much so far: -16 lbs.
34 to go! : )

How goes the battle?

Patience- I Need Some

I am loving these readings on patience. I didn't get to this place quickly so it will take time and I need to be patient.

A lot of the extra weight I'm carrying right now came from times of sadness- the loss of my babies, adoptions falling through, etc. I'm impatient to see it gone because it represents a time of grief and I don't want to be reminded of that sadness any more. God has done so much healing in me. This weight loss journey is just more of the process and it, too, will take time and my patience, especially if I want lasting change instead of a quick fix that will need to be redone.

I thought today I'd just make a list of some of my favorite quotes, phrases, and words from the reading I've done lately:

Patience is an undervalued virtue in the present day.
Concentrating on lasting changes rather than quick fixes
Patience is a virtue born out of faith. And faith is a gift.
We are on a journey that must be traveled one day at a time. (Sometimes even one hour or one minute at a time!
The Lord gives us this day our daily bread. Accept it gratefully. Put aside tomorrow and the next day and the next. Stop hurrying. Relax into the moment.
Experience
Breathe
Lean on God in the now
Gradually
We need to sit still before the Lord and ask him to slow us down and teach us to listen to our bodies.
Goal: Serene and normal life.

Here's how I'm doing after Monday's weigh-in:
Weight lost this week: -1.o lbs.
Weight lost since beginning of book club: -4.0 lbs.
My goal is to lose 50 lbs by March 31, 2009
I've lost this much so far: -15 lbs.35 to go! : )

One of the activities we are supposed to do this week is to set small goals. I need to spend some time coming up with more, but here are a few:

1. I will continue losing between 1 and 1.5 lbs. a week.
2. I'll be back to my pre-pregnancy weight (this most recent one) within the next three weeks.
3. I will make it through Thanksgiving and Christmas without gaining any weight this year. (Need to start planning for that)
4. I will meet my weight loss goal by March 31st
5. I will run in a 5K race I have planned in May.

Your Turn:
Insights?
Challenges?
Prayer Requests?
Progress Reports?
Celebrations?

Hope all is going well for each of you....(even you lurkers out there who don't comment) : )