Catching Back Up

This has been a tough week. The mastitis symptoms made me so sick. It was one of those times when I could have climbed in bed and stayed asleep until I was all better, but my mommy duties wouldn't let that happen.

Then yesterday, I was holding my baby and tried to stand up off the couch after feeding him. I hurt something in my back in the process and now I'm an invalid. : ) No more running for awhile. It hurts just to stand long enough to take a shower.

It has been depressing dealing with all of this and difficult to stay focused on my fitness and spiritual goals, let alone all the other stuff I'm supposed to be doing as a wife, mom, and homemaker. I need God's help to not turn to food to make me feel better. I think I'm on the mend now, so hopefully I'll make up for lost time.

I read Point of View: Day 4 "Expect A Miracle" today. I enjoyed it a lot. I am very much opposed to the "name it and claim it" or "prosperity doctrine" message, but I don't think that is what this is talking about at all. I really do think that deep down I lack faith that I can really win at this for long term. When I honestly examine my feelings, there is a lot of pessimism about my ability to lose weight and maintain that success.

I liked this quote:

I know it will take a miracle to keep me faithful to healthy eating and disciplined exercise- and that's exactly what I'm expecting! (pg. 65)

I want to keep thinking through today's journal questions about my heart's desire in the area of eating, nutrition, and fitness:

1. How will it feel when God has had his way in my life?
2. How will I be different?

Anyone answer those questions and gain some insight?

I was also curious what your plans are for handling all of the candy tomorrow and the days after? Do you have a plan? I think I'm going to tell myself that I need to say no to all candy this time and to remember that this is just a season of my life. There will be a time when I can have some again. Then I think well maybe I'll let myself have just one or two as a treat so I don't feel totally deprived and to practice moderation. What do you think- cold turkey, no candy this year, or set a limit and practice moderation?

Oh Boy! I'm Sick

I'm nursing my baby and have developed mastitis. I was distracted by the thrush, so I didn't recognize the mastitis symptoms and didn't catch it in time. I've got the flu like symptoms- fever, chills, body ache, etc.

I'm not going to be able to blog for a couple of days, but I wanted to make sure you all had a chance to talk with each other about what you read today and tomorrow.

Comments are open to check in with each other and to share how you are doing, what you liked about the reading, etc.

I've got antibiotics now so I should be back on my feet soon. : )

Starting a New Week: Point of View Day One

Boy, weekends are tough on a diet, huh? : )

It was interesting for me to see myself slip into old behaviors over the weekend. I stopped writing down what I ate, I went out to eat and had to deal with wanting to eat more than I really needed, and I started to feel the discouragement that comes from perfectionism. I'm back on track today, but I want to think a lot about what went wrong this weekend and plan to be more successful next weekend. I want to be ready for it ahead of time.

Random Observations From Last Week:

• I need to keep my fridge and pantry stocked with good choices. Part of went wrong this weekend was lack of groceries and I ate what was available.
• I eat in front of the computer too much and don't taste what I'm eating
• I sit too much during the day. I want to incorporate more movement into my day, not just formal exercise.
• The exercise I did get in Friday through Sunday felt wonderful! But I get this weird emotion about feeling overwhelmed by the fact that I have to KEEP exercising and watching what I'm eating even thought it feels so good to be doing these things. I need to focus on each day at a time instead of being overwhelmed by the long term.
• Surrender on a daily basis, even meal by meal basis, is a must. I have to keep coming to the Lord to reteach me how to be healthy.
• God wants to work in these areas of my heart: needing approval, anxiety, and perfectionism.

Here's What I Loved From Today's Reading:

The second week of meditations, therefore, concentrates on seeing ourselves and our struggle with food from God's point of view. (pg. 53) I'm looking forward to seeing what I learn as I look at this from His perspective.

We can view our daily struggle with overeating as a tedious, difficult, boring inconvenience that robs us of pleasure. Or we can make the conscious choice to view it as a physical and spiritual challenge through which God is giving us an opportunity to grow in our knowledge and trust of him. (pg. 56) What an "ah-ha" for me! How I choose to view this struggle is important. It's tough to have to deal with this, but God will use it for good if I let Him. The ongoing need to come to Him for help is a good thing, too. It makes me seek Him.

Here's How I'm Doing:

Weight lost this week: -1.5 lbs. (I think...I'm not sure exactly where I started last week, might be more like 1 lb)
Weight lost since beginning of book club: -1.5 lbs.
My goal is to lose 50 lbs. I've lost this much so far: 12.5 lbs.

How are things going for you? Any insights from this reading? Any challenges?

Praying for you!

You Inspired Me!!! : )

Yippee!! I exercised! And I owe it all to your comments. I kept thinking about Sally getting up early to go to the gym, Marisa's kickboxing class, Mom spending so much time outside, Daiquiri running a 5K, and Renee getting her 20-30 minutes of exercise in every day. You all inspired me. So, I'm sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but it really is your fault you know. I was too busy exercising to sit in front of the computer. : )

As I was reading through all of your comments yesterday about needing to get outside more, I suddenly realized, "Why am I sitting here? My husband is home, I could go outside RIGHT NOW." So, I hurried and got some sweats on and went for a nice long walk.

There's nothing like a walk by yourself outside to give you time to be introspective and to pray. God showed me quite a bit during that walk. I just love how this time I might be losing weight, but I'm also learning so much about myself and what has caused this weight problem in the first place.

Then last night instead of the usual movie at home, our family used a free pass we were given to the local ice rink. More exercise! It was so much fun! (I'm not sure if my husband would agree). : )

Then this morning, I got a call from Daiquiri and she said, "You have no excuse. Your husband is taking care of the baby and you are going for a run/walk with me." We had so much fun. I feel more alive than I've felt in a year. Thanks for the inspiration, ladies!

All of the exercise did bring up a challenge though. Appetite.

After all of the extra activity, I wanted to eat more. I think my body always wants to make up the deficit. "She's burning calories. I need to get it back." I really struggled with it last night and ended up eating more than I should have eaten. My first reaction was very typical of me. I started to get mad at myself and doubt my ability to do this and to get really discouraged. That made me eat more. Finally, I stopped myself and said, "I have to do this different this time."

I thought about the devotion yesterday about the resources available to me through prayer. All of the resources of heaven and the power that raised Christ from the dead is available to me to stop overeating. I started praying because I knew the typical me would have woken up this morning and been tempted to give up, all because of just one little slip up. I'm such a perfectionist!

Like I said in an earlier post, I'm having to start over and have Him reteach me how to eat and think about my body. So I asked him, "How do I keep from being starving after exercise." Here's some of what I'm trying:

- Not to forget to fill up with water because my body might be acting hungry when it is really thirsty

- Eat some protein and carbs immediately after exercising

- Fill up on veggies. The carrots from our garden are still awesome and are my lifeline right now.

Here's some favorite things from the reading for Day Five and Day Six:

DAY FIVE:

I pray that you will begin to understand how incredibly great his power is to help those who believe him. It is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead" (Ephesians 1:18-20 LB).

Why then do I live like I am spiritually bankrupt? Why do I continue to struggle with my compulsive eating when every weapon in God's spiritual arsenal is waiting to come to my defense? Why do I flounder and fret and accept defeat when every ounce of God's power is charged and ready to kick into action at my command? (pg. 41)

DAY SIX:

Why is there such therapeutic value in giving God our worries? because tension, stress, and anxiety feed our compulsions. If we happen to be overeaters, they trigger our overeating. But compulsive behavior decreases in direct proportion to the growth of our faith. The worries we trust God to handle cannot act as fuel to our compulsions. An attitude of relaxed faith encourages sane eating habits. (pg. 44)

That is so me! Anxiety is a big issue for me. I'm praying over that one! : ) And I've got a God box made that I'm going to be using just like Frank. : )

Hope you are all having a great weekend. What insights, favorite quotes are you thinking over this weekend?

Inside Out- Book Club Day 4

I feel really good today. I feel lighter, and I really like the good food I'm feeding myself.

It also feels really good to not be so focused this time on the facade. Maybe it's because I'm getting older. I really do want to be fit and thin, but my focus is different. In the past, I've tried to visualize myself thin, or picture a certain outfit I wanted to wear again. Or I thought about how I wanted to look for a certain event. This was all in an attempt to keep up my inner resolve and motivation, and the focus was always, always on looking good for other people.

Now I just want to feel good and free. I want to fix the baggage inside just as much as I want to wear a size 8 pair of jeans again. I want energy just as much as I want to go to the mall and have fun shopping again. I want God's healing more than anything because I know He is in the business of permanent healing not just band-aid fixes. My outside is temporal. My inside is eternal. I'm just learning to value the eternal higher than the stuff that won't last.

Today's reading was great. I like this mental picture:

"Picture a cowboy who has thrown down his pistol and put his hands in the air. The gig is up. Ironically, we who are willing to take this stance and give up to God are the ones who win in the end." (pg. 40)

As I'm working through this surrender stuff, I'm trying to be like that, hands up in the air saying, "I surrender. Show me how to live, think, eat, act, etc." I've got a 3 x 5 card and a pencil ready, and I'm writing down anything I feel like God is talking to me about changing. Today, He has been talking to me about how much I need approval from other people. I'm also trying to remember to talk to Him about it before anything goes in my mouth. I know that might sound weird, but I need to completely start over and have him teach me how to eat again. I'm trying to remember to do that. Sometimes I'm doing, it sometimes not.

My goal is to fit in exercise and get out of the house more. I've been good about being more active today, but no formal exercise session.

Keep the conversation going. I loved reading through the comments on the last post. Any new insights today?

Surrender- Day Three

There were some thought provoking parts for me in today's reading.

As I'm surrendering control over my eating, I've been asking God how that needs to look for me. And one area He has asked me to surrender to him is the scale. I'm a compulsive weigher, often weighing myself several times a day. It's just a habit. If I walk by the bathroom scale, I hop on and see how I'm doing. This isn't healthy for me. Regardless of the number on the scale, I usually end up eating more because of it. If I've lost weight, I let up on the good I'm doing thinking, "Woo Hoo! I'm losing weight. I can eat more." Or if the number is going in the wrong direction I get depressed about it and give up on my diet. So this time I've set a limit for myself. I can only weigh in on Monday morning. Once. That's it. This has been really hard and I think it is a control issue.

I keep thinking, "How am I going to know if I'm doing any good if I don't check the scale? How will I know if this is working? Or if I should be eating less." I just have to trust that God is working in me and to let go of trying to control it. I can feel positive change already and that needs to be enough. But it is hard to trust Him because I'm desperate to get the weight off. When I saw today's affirmation, "I will trust that God is in control" (pg. 37) it reminded me to trust Him with whatever is going to happen this week. I've been asking Him to direct my eating. Now I have to let go.

The last paragraph on pg. 37 stood out to me, too. Here's a quote from it:

Compulsive overeating is often a form of rebellion. We like to think that the rules do not apply to us, that we can operate outside the facts and realities of calories, metabolism, and weight gain....What part does rebellion play in your eating problem?

I don't like the fact that I can't eat as much as my friends. My body requires fewer calories. Period. And I've always thought it was unfair and I've rebelled against it in the past. I realize now that I need to make peace with what my body does require. I didn't design me so I don't get to set the calorie limit. : )

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How's it going for you?
I realize that with a new post everyday I don't give you a lot of time to comment. Feel free to talk about any of the past posts/devotions here, too.
I'm mostly interested in the conversation and want us to be encouraging each other. Anyone facing any challenges? Anything we can pray about?
Do you have a favorite thought or quote from today's reading? Any ah-ha moments?

Yesterday was a tough day for me. Anyone have a day that was harder than the others? My trigger was emotion. I did eat more yesterday than the other two days, but I feel good about how I dealt with the emotion and tried hard not to use food to comfort myself. It was a big step for me.

Surrender- Day Two

Today's devotion was titled "The Problem Is Me." At first I thought, "Hmmm, I'm not sure I got as much out of today's devotion as I did yesterday's." But as I've gone through my day, I have been thinking about it a lot.

When I read it, I thought, "I already know I'm the problem. That's why I'm reading this book." But what I've been asking myself is, "How have I been the problem specifically?"

Here's some of what I came up with:

- I ask God for help but then I don't do what He says to do
- I have many excuses for why I'm overweight right now- pregnancies, miscarriages, stress from adoption process, slow metabolism, etc. etc. but the reason I'm overweight comes down to the fact that I ate more than I should. I did it to me regardless of circumstances.
- I respond to emotion by eating. Food is my drug of choice
- I have never learned how to maintain a healthy weight. I'm always losing or gaining. I have a real "all or nothing" personality.
- I'm hard on myself and unforgiving of mess ups

I'll probably be coming up with more as the day goes on.

After reading these two devotions, I'm asking myself these questions:

1. What does it really mean to surrender in this area of my life? What would it look like? How do I really apply this stuff so I'm not just reading it, but doing it?

2. In what ways am I the problem? How do I sabotage myself?

Here are my favorite quotes for today:

"God cares deeply about our struggle with eating and exercise but not because he is interested in what size blue jeans we can fit into." (pg. 33)

God always is most interested in the condition of our hearts.

The affirmation: When I am the problem, Jesus Christ is the answer. (pg. 33)

Today has been more difficult to be in control of my eating because I've been emotional over issues with our adoption process. I'm really having to ask God to direct my eating and it has taken more discipline to make the right choices, but I'm doing it with His help.
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I really enjoyed reading the conversation on the comments section yesterday. Keep it up! Feel free to talk to each other there and respond to other people's comments. Renee- I really related to your fears about this being a temporary six-week fix. I don't want that either! I've been praying for all of us. How's it going? Any favorite quotes or thoughts about today's reading? Prayer requests?

Also, I have a sidebar blog list that says "Fellow Climbers." If you start a fitness/health blog or are blogging about this book club and want me to add your blog to that list let me know.