I feel really good today. I feel lighter, and I really like the good food I'm feeding myself.
It also feels really good to not be so focused this time on the facade. Maybe it's because I'm getting older. I really do want to be fit and thin, but my focus is different. In the past, I've tried to visualize myself thin, or picture a certain outfit I wanted to wear again. Or I thought about how I wanted to look for a certain event. This was all in an attempt to keep up my inner resolve and motivation, and the focus was always, always on looking good for other people.
Now I just want to feel good and free. I want to fix the baggage inside just as much as I want to wear a size 8 pair of jeans again. I want energy just as much as I want to go to the mall and have fun shopping again. I want God's healing more than anything because I know He is in the business of permanent healing not just band-aid fixes. My outside is temporal. My inside is eternal. I'm just learning to value the eternal higher than the stuff that won't last.
Today's reading was great. I like this mental picture:
"Picture a cowboy who has thrown down his pistol and put his hands in the air. The gig is up. Ironically, we who are willing to take this stance and give up to God are the ones who win in the end." (pg. 40)
As I'm working through this surrender stuff, I'm trying to be like that, hands up in the air saying, "I surrender. Show me how to live, think, eat, act, etc." I've got a 3 x 5 card and a pencil ready, and I'm writing down anything I feel like God is talking to me about changing. Today, He has been talking to me about how much I need approval from other people. I'm also trying to remember to talk to Him about it before anything goes in my mouth. I know that might sound weird, but I need to completely start over and have him teach me how to eat again. I'm trying to remember to do that. Sometimes I'm doing, it sometimes not.
My goal is to fit in exercise and get out of the house more. I've been good about being more active today, but no formal exercise session.
Keep the conversation going. I loved reading through the comments on the last post. Any new insights today?
Above all else, I want to please God, know Him more, and make Him known.
I love being a wife and stay-at home mom.
I have two beautiful daughters, and after four miscarriages and two failed adoption attempts, we welcomed our miracle baby boy into our family in August, 2008.