Chicken Impostor(s) - Part One
12 years ago
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Inside Out- Book Club Day 4
I feel really good today. I feel lighter, and I really like the good food I'm feeding myself.
It also feels really good to not be so focused this time on the facade. Maybe it's because I'm getting older. I really do want to be fit and thin, but my focus is different. In the past, I've tried to visualize myself thin, or picture a certain outfit I wanted to wear again. Or I thought about how I wanted to look for a certain event. This was all in an attempt to keep up my inner resolve and motivation, and the focus was always, always on looking good for other people.
Now I just want to feel good and free. I want to fix the baggage inside just as much as I want to wear a size 8 pair of jeans again. I want energy just as much as I want to go to the mall and have fun shopping again. I want God's healing more than anything because I know He is in the business of permanent healing not just band-aid fixes. My outside is temporal. My inside is eternal. I'm just learning to value the eternal higher than the stuff that won't last.
Today's reading was great. I like this mental picture:
"Picture a cowboy who has thrown down his pistol and put his hands in the air. The gig is up. Ironically, we who are willing to take this stance and give up to God are the ones who win in the end." (pg. 40)
As I'm working through this surrender stuff, I'm trying to be like that, hands up in the air saying, "I surrender. Show me how to live, think, eat, act, etc." I've got a 3 x 5 card and a pencil ready, and I'm writing down anything I feel like God is talking to me about changing. Today, He has been talking to me about how much I need approval from other people. I'm also trying to remember to talk to Him about it before anything goes in my mouth. I know that might sound weird, but I need to completely start over and have him teach me how to eat again. I'm trying to remember to do that. Sometimes I'm doing, it sometimes not.
My goal is to fit in exercise and get out of the house more. I've been good about being more active today, but no formal exercise session.
Keep the conversation going. I loved reading through the comments on the last post. Any new insights today?
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5 comments:
I'm still pondering the whole "control" thing. I have been so controlling and rebellious in my eating, refusing to submit, doing it my way, because it makes me feel good, yet destroying myself at the same time.
I want to give up. I want to be the cowboy, throwing down my gun, putting my hands in the air. If only it were that easy! Maybe surrender will become a permanent habit in my life after I do it every day throughout the course of this study. I hope so. I long for the comfort that will come when I stop fighting and learn to relax in God's control.
Renee~
Maybe surrender will become a permanent habit in my life after I do it every day throughout the course of this study.
I've been feeling this way, too, but then I remembered this quote from the first day:
Surrender is not a one-time thing; it is an ongoing process." (pg. 27)
That was an ah-ha for me, to realize that surrender needs to be ongoing because the result is relationship with God. I need to keep surrendering because it sends me to God and that's where He wants me. I do think it will get easier with ongoing practice, though. More habit than the control and rebellion.
I'm with you. It is so nice to be doing this with other people. : )
Journal: My true desire is the internal changes that I ask of God: freedom from cravings, being healthy, strong, awake and alive. But I also get excited when I think of the outside rewards, like wearing a size 10 pair of jeans. Insights: I do give up. I surrender to God to make me what I was created to be--beautiful inside and out. That was another insight for me--that God desires me to be beautiful. Becky, I loved the opening song. Did everyone notice that every picture, besides the praying hands was outdoors. I truly believe we need to be outdoors at least an hour a day. I also learned at my Weight Watchers meeting that you burn 300 calories standing for one hour. I think we sit too much. So,now I stand at the counter each time I am on my computer--no leaning now.
I can't imgaine how good I would feel if I spent an hour a day outside. I know I'm "creation deprived" but it is so hard for me to get outside of this house.
I keep thinking that if I figure out how to surrender in this area, then I will be able to surrender in other areas of my life as well. I am definately a control freak, so giving up control is hard to do.
I am also trying not to be overly concerned with my outward appearnce. I still weigh my self daily, but only once a day. Becky-I usually weigh myself every time I walk by the scale too, your not alone. I have not taken measurements, which every time I begin a new diet I take measurements and I don't want to right now. My only overall goal so far is to lose 8lbs in 6 weeks. I think that is a very realistic goal.
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