Tomorrow will be the beginning of the Faithfully Fit book club. I'm so excited about those of you who have told me you will be reading along with me, and I'm hoping more will join us as we go along. Lurkers are welcome! : ) You can jump into the discussion any time.
I had some interesting emotions come up today as I thought about getting started. Panic was the first one. Some of these thoughts were revealing about my relationship with food and diets:
What have I done?
Why did I tell people what I'm doing?
What if I can't lose any weight?
I should eat today because tomorrow the pain begins. : )
Could this possibly really work?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Amid the panic was some excitement, too. I keep remembering last spring ('07) when I was working out with my trainer. I have never, ever felt that kind of energy in my life. Not even when I was a little girl. I've always been a low energy kind of person, but during that very short season I felt alive and full of energy.
One memory stands out so clearly to me. We were at our home group Bible Study having a BBQ and hanging out in the backyard. All of the kids were running around playing while the adults sat in deck chairs, talking, and watching the kids play. After awhile I couldn't stand to sit still, I had to go play with the kids. I had so much fun playing. I could run up their steep hill without even thinking about it. I felt like a kid again and I felt sorry for the grown-ups stuck in their chairs. The following spring ('08) I was pregnant and back in the chairs with the grown ups.
I was fantasizing today about that energy. What could taste as good as that freedom felt? I want to grab on to that feeling for motivation. But again, I know my inner resolve will only go so far and this time I do not have a coach nor a gym membership. I also do not have two hours to spend in the gym every day.
I'm working through the inventory at the back of the book, but I thought tonight I'd close this post with a prayer for the weeks ahead.
I know that I need to lose weight, but I'm scared of failing again. I've done this over and over again, and I'm weary of it, Lord. Please forgive me for my past failures. Please help me to forgive myself. I feel so ashamed when I look back at the yo-yo dieting and my many, many attempts to be "skinny." Sometimes life threw me curve balls and circumstances made it so hard to succeed, but more often it was just self-sabotage keeping me from my goals. My way has never worked. My inner resolve and willpower have never been strong enough. Please be my strength. I am weak. If this weight battle is dependent upon my inner resolve it is already a lost battle. Help me to do it your way this time, not my way.
Search my heart and shine light where change is needed. I'm scared of starting tomorrow. I don't want to do the hard work that is ahead. Please make me ready to follow your lead. Show me what you want me to learn and give me the strength to do what you say to do. I want to be healthy in every way, most importantly spiritually.
I pray against discouragement. Help me to be good to myself and not beat up on myself anymore.
Please bless my efforts and the efforts of all of the people who are participating in this book club. We all have different reasons for wanting to read the book and we all have different past experiences, but I think we all are seeking your will in this area of our lives, and are in need of healing. I pray these next six weeks will be enlightening, productive, successful, and fun. Show us how to encourage and bless each other.
Most importantly, be glorified in us through this journey.
I love you!
In Jesus' Name I pray,
1. Anyone want to share how you are feeling about starting tomorrow? Excited? Nervous?
2. Has anyone done the inventory and had any revelations yet?
3. No pressure to do this, but feel free to write your own prayer for yourself and the rest of us in the comments section and we'll pray with you.
See you tomorrow for Day One!
Chicken Impostor(s) - Part One
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